Rewound
by ethankreizis
Summary: Ritsu and Takano have a fight, and the next morning Ritsu wakes up feeling over a decade younger and finds that he is being forced to re-live different versions of the day everything went wrong between them in their youth, over and over and over and over again.
1. Careful What You Wish For

**REWOUND**

" _We owe it to love, and it all depends on you_."

– Hear Me Out, Frou Frou

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

Takano Masamune had always been taller―at least he was from where Onodera Ritsu always saw him. Sometimes, Onodera thought maybe he was just short, but no matter what, even back in high school, he remembered that he always had to turn his head up just a bit to be able to see his face clearly.

He was thinking of that now, and he wasn't sure why that was what he was thinking about, as he sat uncomfortably still with a fork in his trembling hand and a plate of half-eaten food in front of him. "Takano-san…"

The older man gazed at him, his expression serious and his amber eyes somber behind his glasses. Onodera had always liked that Takano wore glasses, but he realized now he had never said it out loud.

Takano was waiting for a response but expecting not to like what he would hear―Onodera knew the expression and he regretted it.

He couldn't remember the last time they had seen eye to eye but it squeezed at something inside of him when he realized that lately all they ever did was argue. Sometimes the things they fought over didn't even make sense to him and he felt silly for being bothered by them. And he wanted to be okay with this person and he wanted to be content and for Takano to not look at him as if he was so terribly sad, but that was not how things were.

"You have nothing to say now, do you?" Takano sighed softly and finally turned his eyes away.

"I―you always do this! It isn't fair!" swallowing, Onodera felt his words curl back up inside of him and he felt the butterflies that had once fluttered inside of him at the sight of this person shrivel up and die.

Takano's eyes squinted at him, "What? Worrying about you? That's just what proper boyfriends do, Ritsu."

 _Ritsu_. There it was―the one thing he hadn't wanted to hear; his own name coming from that mouth made his heart race. Onodera's face colored from his ears to his neck and he put the fork down, standing up and clenching his fists. "I'm not a child and I can take care of myself!"

"No, you _can't!"_ Takano stood up now, too, a crease between his eyebrows.

It was always hard to tell what he was thinking; just like in high school, the range of his expressions was minimal and still the same. Quietly somber, patiently irritated, and with rare smiles that had become less and less frequent.

"You w-were out of line earlier and you can't admit you were wrong! You can't just snap at everyone that comes near me because you're ...what, _insecure?"_ Onodera felt confused and flustered and he wanted to stop arguing.

" _Onodera_ ," Takano stepped forward and Onodera knew what was coming.

The sudden closeness was startling but never unfamiliar, and he felt how firm Takano's hands were around his wrists and it was hot everywhere the other touched him. Of course, Onodera pulled back because this just wasn't the time. He miscalculated their steps and they both ended up falling to the floor.

"Stop―" he tried to turn his face, squeezing his eyes shut.

He started to pull away, but when he did Takano moved forward and his dark eyes were watching him intently, until Onodera was closer, until he was being kissed by him, and until he was pulling back.

"No!" his eyes burned and Onodera pushed the taller man away, glaring at him as he stood up and rubbed his face. "You always do that! You can't fix everything with a, with a k-kiss!"

Takano stood up, too, clenching his own hands and looking back at him. "You're overreacting."

"Now _I'm_ the one who's overreacting? Are you even listening to me?" Onodera stepped back and frustratingly ran his hands through his hair. "You never listen to me, ever since I said that I, that I lo―feel the same way you do you've been strange!"

"I just don't trust him around you!" Takano tried to step forward.

Onodera shook his head and stepped back again, "Can't you at least trust me? I chose you, and when you act like this… I f-feel like you don't trust me! Sometimes I just _hate_ you!"

Takano's expression was stunned but quickly became blank and he dropped his arms to his sides. He gazed steadily at the green eyed man and the passiveness in his own eyes was alarming and it made Onodera nervous.

"I m-mean," it was suddenly hot in the room for a completely different reason and Onodera stuttered to take back his words. But it was hard to swallow down a word as cruel as that one. "I d―it w―I was, T-Takano-s-san―! Wait!"

But the other man had abruptly reached forward and grabbed Onodera by the arm, being almost careless as he yanked him towards the door, pushing him outside of the apartment and letting go of him. He didn't cross the doorway; he just sighed and gave him an unreadable expression. But the look in his eyes made Onodera's stomach hurt.

"Takano-san?" Onodera raised his arms when the door slammed shut in front of him and he was alone.

He understood what it was like to be alone. Sometimes, he wondered what kinds of things Takano must have felt after they had parted ways back in high school. Then he remembered what he had felt during that time―the sadness and the hollow emptiness and it made something bitter curl around his heart, so he didn't remember it anymore.

Shuffling into his apartment, Onodera closed the door behind him and leaned against it for a moment, looking down at his feet and missing his shoes.

The floor had never felt that cold.

After getting ready for bed, he crawled under the covers and realized how exhausted the whole ordeal had actually left him. He gazed tiredly at his ceiling, feeling strangely out of place because he had become accustomed to Takano's ceiling instead.

"Hate is a strong word…" hugging a pillow to his chest, he squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. "I have to take it back. I wish to go back…"

* * *

The sun was bright as it streamed through the curtains and it woke Ritsu gradually, making him roll over on his bed to avoid the light. In the fog of his sleep, there were memories surfacing in the back of his head that he hadn't thought of in years but they were so clear to him―as if they had happened only yesterday.

"Mm…" it took him a moment, but Ritsu sat up abruptly and with a gasp when he realized he was going to be late for work. "Oh!"

In a panic, he stumbled out of bed and untangled himself from his covers― "Wh…" he stopped when he realized the comforter in his bed was a different color from the one he had gone to sleep with. Turning around, he looked at his bed, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he took in the details of his surroundings. The bed he had woken up in was huge―the dresser, the curtains, and the carpet was all the same from his childhood bedroom. "I…is this a d-dream?"

Ritsu looked down at his sleeping clothes and he recognized them from his youth and alarm bells started going off in his head as he quickly turned around and found what he was looking for. There, right behind him, was his bookshelf―taking up an entire wall of his bedroom, towering high into the ceiling, books cramped into every single bit of available space. Ritsu dropped the covers on the bed and shuffled over to it, noticing that his feet were not cold on the carpet that had replaced the wood floors of his apartment.

He figured it would be difficult for him to remember where he had once kept his favorite books but his hands skimmed the shelves and his fingers found the familiar spines easily. The words on the pages blurred and he put the book back, feeling confused and dazed as he looked around his bedroom and felt as if he was still fifteen years old.

Ritsu walked over to his bathroom―or rather, to the bathroom of his bedroom from over ten years before, and when he turned on the light and looked in the mirror, he screamed.

"Wh-what!? What's going on?" he looked down at his hands and then leaned over the sink and peered at himself in the mirror. "I'm… I'm fifteen again!"

Ritsu put his hands on his face and turned his head from side to side, taking in the shocked expression on his young face before pushing back his hair, blinking his bright green eyes and trying not to have a panic attack. His frame was definitely smaller and he was more limber and awkward, just as he had been at the age he saw now in the mirror.

"I wished to go back…" it suddenly dawned on him. "But not this back!? I just wanted to take it back, that I hate him, I don't hate him. This is... it, I'm dreaming, this is, this is a dream, I'm dreaming I've―wake up! Wake up―this is―this can't be r-real!"

But it seemed that it was and Ritsu stepped back from the mirror, holding his hands up to his chest and adjusting the collar of his sleeping shirt, running his fingers up his neck and squinting when he saw the marks under his shirt.

Leaning into the mirror again, he tilted his head to the side and felt his face start to get hot as he blushed. "Saga-senpai…" he murmured at the sight of the kiss marks, and then he gasped when he realized, "I'm late for _school_."

* * *

It felt absurd and strange to be in his school uniform after ten plus years of not having worn it, but Ritsu had a strange sense of responsibility as he looked up at high school building and walked in through the gates. His school work was complete in his bag and his books were neatly tucked away next to it, though he didn't remember what it was about, he distinctly remembered sitting down next to Saga-senpai and completing it before being distracted by the other.

Ritsu felt nervous for some reason and he stopped walking halfway to the front steps, looking up at the sky and feeling uneasy. He was standing there, when someone walked up behind him and pressed up against his back.

"Huh?!" he turned around quickly and nearly jumped out of his skin before he realized who it was that was there. His heart skipped a beat and Ritsu stammered when he spoke, "S-Saga-senpai!"

Those softly stoic and quietly sad golden eyes gazed down at him and Saga stood with his hands in his pockets, his school bag hanging off his shoulder. "Where were you this morning?"

"Uh…?" hard as he tried, Ritsu couldn't remember what they had meant to be doing that morning and he looked confused. "S-s-sorry?"

"We were going to walk to school together," Saga's voice was soft as he spoke.

Ritsu felt his heart thud in his chest in a familiar way―but it felt odd because it was different from how he felt when he looked at Takano. His skin felt hot everywhere and he felt his stomach squeezing the butterflies that fluttered inside of him. "I was… I'm s-sorry!"

The older boy just looked at him quietly for a brief moment before looking away. "That's fine, I'll see you later."

"Okay…" in his shock from seeing the boy at that age in that time, Ritsu could only nod and watch him walk away.

* * *

 _I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming…_ Ritsu went through the rest of the school day unfocused and alarmed by the bizarre events that were happening to him. The nostalgia of it all was giving him a headache and his world felt like it was spinning around him.

Moments after school let out, a couple of boys he almost remembered from that time in his life asked him questions, but in his dazed and panicked state, Ritsu excused himself to the toilet and ran away from them before they realized something was off.

In the toilet, Ritsu washed his face and looked at himself in the mirror. Growing up, he hadn't hated school―there were areas he had been rubbish at but there were other areas where he had excelled and he had a neutral view on his academic life. The part of his youth where Saga Masamune had been included in was something entirely different and Ritsu gazed at his reflection with a sad feeling in his stomach.

Without thinking, he raised his hands to his hair and combed his fingers through it, brushing it forward and into his face like he knew he would eventually start wearing it as an adult. For a brief moment as he looked at himself he saw the adult he would someday become and felt a pang when he realized how much he missed Takano-san. But it had only been a day―which made him wonder now, how long would he be stuck in that bizarre world of his younger self?

Ritsu ducked out of the toilets and walked down the hall without direction, but of course his feet led him straight to the library and he felt immediately relaxed by the familiarity. The books, the posters, even the girl at the counter were all still exactly the same as he remembered from that time.

He made his way towards his favorite section, trying to see if he remembered all of the books he had read in that time, and he ran straight into, of course, Saga-senpai.

"Uh, s-sorry," Ritsu stepped back and ducked his head.

"Hello," the taller boy looked down at him.

"H-hi," peering up at the other, Ritsu held the strap of his bag tightly with his fingers.

There was a crease between Saga's eyebrows now and Ritsu was startled back as the tall boy reached up with one hand and ruffled Ritsu's hair, brushing it back with his fingers and then tilting Ritsu's face up to look at him. "Ritsu…"

 _Badump_. Ritsu's pulse sped up and he realized he hadn't put his hair back to how he had once kept it as a teenager. "Uh, y-yes?"

"You look older with your hair that way," Saga's expression was hard to read as he said this and Ritsu wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. The boy turned around to start heading off the school campus. "Come on, let's go."

"Where are we going?" Ritsu fixed his hair and looked up at the other boy, still blushing, and he felt a heavy sense of nostalgia as he watched those broad shoulders flex when Saga-senpai turned his head to look back at him.

Saga raised an eyebrow, "To the bookstore, you said you wanted to go."

"Uh… what day is it?" Ritsu raised his head to look at the sky.

"…?" the dark-haired boy turned back to him and looked at him evenly. "Are you feeling okay?"

Ritsu felt flustered now and he shook his head, feeling knots in his stomach and a fluttering feeling he had almost forgotten from his high school years. The warmth in his stomach and in his chest made his head fuzzy and he wondered what kind of expression was on his face. "Y-yeah, I'm okay let's… let's go, okay?"

"Hm…" the older boy looked around at the vacating campus, watching the students heading to their homes or club activities, and he quickly reached up and ruffled Ritsu's hair. "Tell me if you feel unwell. We're supposed to be together, right? Your health is important to me."

Nodding his head, Ritsu blushed at the contact but all he could squeak was, "Yes, okay."

 **This has been floating in my head for days. New chapters every Friday.**


	2. What You See and What You Get

**Chapter 2**

At the bookstore, which was only fifteen minutes away from the school campus, Saga led Ritsu over to an empty and secluded corner of the place, where the tallest bookcases offered them cover from the view of the rest of the store.

"Um―" Ritsu caught his breath when Saga-senpai pressed him up against the side of one of the cases and kissed him, his hands taking Ritsu's face gently. Ritsu stood on his toes and kissed back, feeling dizzy and breathless and warm.

Saga pulled back and gave him a look, "You're different today."

"Uh, how?" Ritsu looked at him dazedly.

"You're usually more talkative, your face is really red," Saga said quietly. "I thought you were getting more comfortable with me. Was yesterday too much?"

"I love you," he wasn't sure where the words came from but they rushed out of him in a breath as if he'd wanted to say them for years. "I m-mean, I―I'm s-sorry―"

Saga squinted at him and he put a hand on his mouth, as if he were trying to hide the smile that was taking over. "Yes, I know, I love you, too. What did I say about apologizing so much? You're fine, Ritsu."

 _Ritsu_. There it was again, coming from this tall and beautiful boy that Ritsu knew he loved with all of his heart. He finally put a word to what he was feeling in his stomach―that familiar but alarming warmth that twisted inside of him. _First love_ ; the pure and innocent kind he had felt for the boy standing in front of him―what he still felt now and loved remembering.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Saga stood back and looked at him worriedly.

Ritsu smiled suddenly, trying to remember how he'd been before things had changed. When he realized he couldn't exactly remember how things had gone so badly between them, he just decided to go with it. "Yes, let's, um, let's go pick something to buy!"

Saga also smiled; that small and adoring smile Ritsu was starting to recall. "That's more like it."

* * *

"S-Saga-senpai, please stop," Ritsu pushed the older (sort of) boy's face away to stop the kiss and felt anxious and guilty (completely).

"You know no one is home," the other pointed out, taking Ritsu by the waist with one hand and already undoing the buttons of Ritsu's uniform with the other.

After actually considering the technicalities, Ritsu realized that he was _technically_ over ten years older than this version of Masamune, and that being with him was _technically_ illegal. But only technically. He knew it didn't make sense because the body he was in was still only fifteen years in age, but it was the only excuse he could come up with to keep himself from giving in completely and absolutely to this person. He had to stay focused if he was going to figure out what was going on, but Saga-senpai's wandering hands were an inviting distraction and Ritsu had to do his best not to give into it.

"I know, I do," Ritsu managed to stutter out, barely stopping the other's fingers from taking off his shirt. "But I h-have, I have a lot of homework! I b-barely finished the work from yesterday!"

"We can do it later, I'll help you," the other got Ritsu down on the bed, crawling in on top of him and pressing soft kisses to his jaw and down his neck. "...stay."

Ritsu squeezed his eyes shut and shivered, his hands trembling as he reached up and put them on Saga's face, letting himself fall back on the bed with a deep inhale when Saga-senpai kissed him on the lips.

"Senpai…" Ritsu felt himself starting to fall apart but when he opened his eyes and looked up, the boy that was gazing back at him felt so real it freaked him out. "Wh―no, no, I can't. I'm really s-sorry."

The unsatisfied expression on senpai's face sent a shiver down Ritsu's back and he could obviously see the man that this boy would eventually and most likely inevitably become and that was enough to make Ritsu certain and more determined to figure out what the hell was happening to him.

And he just couldn't do that if they ended up doing more than just kissing. But as he looked up at that face, at how sad his expression was and how vulnerable his eyes were, Ritsu had the strong urge to cry.

"I have to go home," he managed to choke as he raked his brain for any excuse that his younger self would have used before to get away. But he knew that this version of himself would have done anything just to be by his senpai's side. "I have, um, my mother… will ...worry."

"You've never talked about your family before," Saga finally let go of Ritsu and he sat back on the bed. "Your eyes are different," he sighed thoughtfully.

 _Because I'm not him. I'm not the boy that you love,_ Ritsu took a deep breath. He scrambled to sit up and that awkward move he definitely had kept in his older age and he wasn't sure if it was annoying or endearing. He shrugged his shoulders vaguely, his face burning from his ears to his neck as he looked away because he knew the other was right. "I really have to go…" he said quietly.

Saga looked at him somberly, his quietly handsome face unreadable but definitely not happy. If he was angry he didn't show it and he just pushed his things from the bed to the floor and got comfortable on it, lying back and folding an arm behind his head.

Ritsu stood up and backed away awkwardly, hot and bothered and jittery from the nervous energy. "Sorry…"

The other simply shrugged. "I'll see you tomorrow. You can let yourself out if that's okay."

Lowering his head, Ritsu nodded and clutched his school bag to himself as he apologized again and rushed out of the bedroom. On his way down the stairs, a small cat slid past him and up the stairs towards the room he had just exited, and Ritsu stopped briefly to glance back at it.

"Sorata…" the name came back to him easily and Ritsu shook his head at how disoriented and out of place he felt despite this having been his life as a teenager. "...bizarre."

He made his way down the sidewalk automatically, as if it had been only yesterday that he had left this exact house and walked this exact same route home―though he supposed that it had been yesterday, the last time he had been in that bedroom with that boy. Thinking about it made him dizzy, and Ritsu shook his head to clear it and headed home.

The whole way there he tried to untangle his thoughts and figure out what was happening to him, but he couldn't quite figure out what he was feeling or thinking. His head was too fuzzy and everything he could think of turned his head back to the memories of that time.

All he could do was think about how much of a contrast there was between him and little Ritsu, and how undeserving the person he was now was of Saga Masamune.

He was walking into his house several long minutes later, when he heard the shrill and alarmingly familiar voice. "Ricchaaaan!"

"Huh?" he looked up from where he was standing lost in thought at the entryway of his home, and his heart nearly skipped out of his chest when he saw her. "Ann-chan? Wh―!?"

"Ricchan, where were you? I've been waiting for you for hours!" she squeaked, her face and angry shade of pink as she blushed and pattered over to him, vibrating with energy.

 _Ann-chan_? Ritsu didn't remember her being there in this point in time, at least not from what his head was telling him. The timeline in his head was garbled and he wasn't 100% sure he was remembering things correctly.

But still, there she was, trying to cling to him in ways that he knew would still make him uncomfortable more than ten years later. "I was… out, at a bookstore. What are you doing here, Ann-chan?"

"Your mother invited me for tea! She said you would join us, did you forget?" Ann-chan gave him a pout and held her arms crossed over her chest.

Ritsu squinted at her and felt confused, but he shook his head and mumbled some sort of excuse about not remembering and then heading for his bedroom. "I'm sorry, Ann-chan, I'm tired."

"But Ricchan!" without another word, he left her standing there and when he got into his bedroom, he locked his door behind him.

* * *

The next morning, Ritsu had to rake his brain again and again, trying so hard to remember what he had been like when he had been so young. He tried and tried to remember the kinds of things he would have done for Saga to keep the boy's attention and affections. He remembered how he had once been but all it did was make him feel an aching sadness. When he looked in the mirror before leaving the house for the day, he couldn't recognize that boy―he knew he had once been young, naive, sweet, silly, and kind, but the honest reality was that he wasn't like that anymore.

It wasn't a bad thing that he had grown up. Takano-san often repeated the words, 'the you that I love is the current you' and Ritsu had grown to believe him. It was when he thought about that that he realized how much he missed the older man.

Still, he wasn't sure what was going on, but he remembered a similar scenario from a shoujo manga he had once edited.

"If I do things too differently, the future could change," he muttered to himself as he paced the aisles of the bookstore he was in. "That is… if I've actually traveled back in time. If this is just a weird dream it doesn't matter―if it is an alternate reality then…? But how…?"

He was wandering around in circles when he spotted it―his brain sent off alarms and he picked up the magazine, flipping through it and his head being flooded with a new old memory. He had been waiting for the new volume of this to come out so he could show it to Saga-senpai. He distinctly remembered being extremely animated as he told the other the plot and showed him the previous volume.

He remembered that his excitement had been contagious and Saga had shown him one of those rare and kind smiles.

Ritsu was in such a hurry to make his purchase so he could catch Saga before school started, completely forgetting his situation, that he didn't look where he was going and he ran into someone taller than him.

"Wh―sorry! I'm s―" when he looked up he realized with a hot embarrassment that the boy he had run into was no one else but senpai. "S-Saga-senpai! What are you doing here?"

The older boy had reached out to keep Ritsu steady, and he gazed down at him evenly as he pulled his hands back and said, "I saw you in here and came to see what you were up to."

"Oh, uhm," Ritsu reminded himself quickly that he had to act like himself―his younger and much more innocent self. "This! I, um, remember that I was telling you about it?" he held up the magazine and flipped through it. He looked up and felt unsure, trying to smile but knowing it probably wasn't his best attempt. "I really want you to read it, I think you would enjoy it!"

"Ritsu," Saga-senpai put his hand on the boy's forehead and looked at him with more focused eyes. "Are you feeling okay?"

With a nervous laugh, Ritsu nodded and tried not to freak out at the contact. "I'm fine! Yes, I'm completely okay. We should, um, we should go now or we'll be late."

Saga looked at him again, but deciding that everything was as fine as it could be, he shook his head, "...I feel like ditching today."

 _No, no… this is wrong, senpai―I mean,_ he _would never have done that!_ Ritsu blinked quickly with confusion, but he found himself nodding his head and agreeing. "I, um, okay?"

Alarm bells were ringing all over inside of his head but Ritsu could only watch and moved almost robotic-like as Saga paid for the magazine and led him towards the door and out on the sidewalk. It didn't feel right to be doing what he was doing and he looked around with panic because he didn't remember this at all.

"Saga-senpai," he managed to choke out as he followed the other boy towards the street. "I have to tell you something―"

"What is it?" the other stopped briefly to glance back. "Onodera?"

Ritsu stopped in his tracks and felt the blood drain from his face and his entire body went cold as he said, "What did you call me?"

"Onodera, that's your name? Ritsu, are you okay?" Saga-senpai was at the edge of the sidewalk where it connected with the street and traffic sped by them as he looked at Ritsu expectantly.

"No," Ritsu spoke slowly, his hands going to his stomach as he looked around and felt totally confused. "No, that's not right!" he exclaimed, feeling frantic. "You're not supposed to know that, you aren't supposed to know my name! I know because, because you still don't let me live it down, after twelve years you still bring it up all the time!"

Saga seemed confused and he scratched the back of his head before he reached out and took Ritsu's hand, careless about anyone that might be looking their way, and he tugged the boy towards the street. "Ritsu? Let me just take you home, you're obviously not feeling okay―"

"NO!" Ritsu yanked his hand free and stood his ground, feeling scared, out of place, and more than concerned. "This has to be a dream, Saga-senpai, you shouldn't know that!"

The taller boy stood on the asphalt and looked back at him with confusion, "Ritsu―?"

"Saga-senpai!"and that was how Ritsu got to watch with utter horror and shock, as the love of his life was hit by a bus.

* * *

 _"Masamune!"_ Ritsu screamed and sat bolt up in his bed, the sleeves of his too-big sleeping shirt covering his face as the hot tears streaked down his cheeks. "Senpai! Senp..senpai?"

With confusion and fear, Ritsu gasped for air and looked around himself as he realized that he had once again woken up to find himself in the bed from his youth, in the same sleeping clothes as before. When he looked at the clock and at the calendar, the realization hit him and he gasped.

It was the exact same morning from the day before―his awful nightmare had begun all over again.

 **I hope you guys can sort of get what is happening to him. Over and over again wasn't an exaggeration. I have 3 more ideas for alternate scenarios and I would like at least 2 or 3 more before getting to a conclusion.**


	3. This is How Things Are

**Chapter 3**

"What makes today so important?" Ritsu pondered this as he got ready for school. He neatly tugged on the same uniform and shifted through the exact same homework he had already turned in once before. It was making him dizzy to think that he was actually starting to believe that he had been transported back to his younger self and was now being forced to relive the exact same events over again.

"Hm..." he scrunched his eyebrows together as he fixed his hair. "Maybe it'll be different this time?"

He wasn't sure what was going on at all. He didn't remember half of the things from yesterday being events that had happened when he had originally been that age. Takano Masamune was definitely someone that had happened, which made the incident with the bus completely inaccurate.

"It was my fault," Ritsu bit his bottom lip and stopped at his bedroom door, his throat tightening at the idea that something bad had happened to senpai because of him. "...I changed things."

Downstairs, Ritsu ran into his mother, and for some reason his memory told him this was wrong. "M-Mother, what are you doing here? I mean, s-sorry―"

"Good morning, sweetheart," his mother smiled at him and went over to kiss his forehead.

"Uh, good morning, mother," Ritsu felt awkward and his memory was definitely betraying him. "Um, is Ann-chan coming over for tea today?"

"Hm?" his mother stepped back at gave him a look, a small confused smile on her face. "Ann-chan? No, I don't think so. Honey, Ann-chan is in France with her mother this week, you know that."

"Oh," Ritsu blinked quickly and tried to look not confused.

His mother went on, giving him a weird expression. "I mean, I suppose I could invite her over when they come to Japan... but you really shouldn't get any ideas about her, you know she's _engaged_."

 _It is different this time,_ Ritsu rubbed the back of his neck and backed up towards the door. "Ah, right, right. No, don't trouble yourself or bother them, I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking―"

His mother raised her eyebrows at him and looked concerned. "Do you want a ride to school? You're acting odd today, Ritsu."

"Oh, no! No, actually," Ritsu remembered something important he'd forgotten the first time. "I think I'll walk."

* * *

The walk over to Saga's house was the only thing Ritsu remembered exactly. Nothing about the way towards the other's home was different and Ritsu sighed with relief at this. He remembered the streets and the different short cuts he could take and he even remembered the stray cats two streets before Saga's house and he stopped to smile. Cats and other small animals had never liked him, but he was glad that they were there anyway because that was how he remembered it.

He hated that he was taking the current situation so seriously, but his teen aged self had taken everything seriously. The only difference was that his younger self had been a hundred times more cheerful and naive about it.

As he got closer to Saga's house, he couldn't help the butterflies in his stomach and he wanted to digest them as he realized what he was thinking about. He stopped and put his hands on his cheeks, patting them to get rid of the thought and wake himself up.

He _wasn't_ that boy anymore and he needed to get back to his normal life.

Still, he felt flustered as he headed up the driveway. It was a relief when he saw Saga through the kitchen window, standing at the sink and looking somber. Ritsu's relief was short lived when he realized the expression on Saga's face was not a happy one.

That was when he saw the woman that was standing behind senpai, her face scrunched up in a scowl as she stared sternly at him.

"I _won't,"_ was all Saga said in a serious tone.

His mother frowned at him, but she unfolded her arms and left him where he was.

Ritsu scrambled to duck out of sight when he realized she was leaving the house and he waited behind the shrubbery until she was gone. _Did I miss that because I didn't remember we were walking to school together?_

He waited just a moment longer to be sure she was gone before he walked up to the front door. He was about to knock, when Saga opened the door.

"Senpai!" Ritsu hadn't realized how wound up he'd been after the incident with the bus and he practically flung himself at Saga, wrapping his arms tightly around the other's neck and letting out a breath of relief. "You're _okay_."

"Ritsu..." Saga felt the air get knocked out of him, but he put his hands on Ritsu's waist and leaned his face into the smaller boy's neck. "Yeah... what's wrong?"

Ritsu pulled back when it sunk in what he'd done and he felt embarrassed and blushed bright pink as he stepped back nervously. "Oh, um, n-nothing! You said... we were supposed to walk to school together today."

"Yes," Saga looked up behind Ritsu and then he reached out and took Ritsu's hands. "We were."

"Senpai―" Ritsu yelped and stumbled forward when Saga yanked on his arms and pulled him into the house. "Wait―"

"Come on," Saga gave him a smile, that small and shy smile that Ritsu loved even now.

"O-okay," he really couldn't say no to that expression, it was impossible.

* * *

"We have to go to school," Ritsu gazed up at Saga, admiring the clear amber of his eyes and the frame of his dark lashes. They were lying against each other under the sheets of Saga's bed, their naked bodies pressed together intimately.

Saga wiped a bead of sweat from Ritsu's neck and leaned into him, kissing him. "Why? Why do we have to do anything?"

"Because that's how it works," Ritsu's face felt hot all over again and he was ashamed. "You do things, you're responsible, that's how things are."

The older boy looked annoyed and he actually pouted, and once again Ritsu saw the man he was going to be, if he didn't get hit by a bus this time around. "I don't like how things are."

Ritsu resisted the urge to roll his eyes and say something along the lines of ' _tough shit_ ' and he had to keep reminding himself who he was supposed to be. He wanted to feel dirty and ashamed for what they had done―for what he had let them do, but it was getting increasingly difficult to feel like that when all his teen aged self felt was love and joy and the naive feeling that they would be together forever even if his grown up self knew that was not the truth.

With a big breath, Ritsu rolled over and pulled Saga's arm around him, scooting back into the older boy and deciding it was okay to have this new sweet memory for himself. "Things change, they aren't always how they are."

Saga pressed his face to the back of Ritsu's neck and kissed his skin, nuzzling his hair and tightening his arms around Ritsu's body. "I guess you're right."

"Was that your mother?" Ritsu asked curiously. He remembered he had known very little about Takano's parents, in his youth and also in their life together after that. He knew his parents were divorced and that they were distant, but that was that.

"Yeah," Saga tensed just a bit, but relaxed a moment later.

"...she seemed upset," Ritsu turned over and decided to take his chance to get to know the boy he had loved better―maybe it would help him change how he was towards him in the future. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Not really," the other shrugged, running his fingers absentmindedly over Ritsu's side, pressing them into his skin and sighing. "She's never around and when she is she's just upsetting. That's all you need to know about my parents, that they don't get along anymore."

It was too easy to hear the sadness that was heavy on Saga's words and Ritsu put his arms around him and for once didn't want to go back to his life. "...I'm sorry."

Saga pulled him back and looked at him. "You're different."

"Um, how?" Ritsu tried to look innocent.

"...your eyes," Saga leaned close and stared at him steadily, "they're hard, like emerald."

Ritsu ducked his head and felt cold inside, then he forced himself to become flustered and he put a hand to his cheek. "Um, I'm just... I don't like the idea that anything or anyone makes you sad, senpai..."

"Hm," Saga put his hand over Ritsu's and kissed him, and he continued to kiss him without saying anything else on the subject. "We should do something tomorrow."

"Why not today?" Ritsu raised his head with a blank expression he hoped looked naive.

Saga leaned close and smiled almost a little wickedly. "Because we're doing this today."

"We have to go to school," Ritsu reminded him, becoming honestly flustered when Saga kissed his cheek and slipped his hands down Ritsu's hips. "S-senpai! We do have to go to school tomorrow."

Saga sighed and looked annoyed but his hands didn't stop. "We don't _have_ to do anything."

* * *

The next day, Ritsu felt nervous and almost sick to his stomach as he got dressed in his uniform even though he wasn't going to school. He had a spare change of clothes in his bag folded neatly next to the same homework he hadn't turned in. He knew if he ran into anyone while he was still at home and they saw him in his casual clothes, he would be in some serious trouble.

"What am I doing?" he tousled his hair with frustration and then combed it back down. "Why does it even matter? ...if today starts over again I can get away with anything―but what if...?"

When he had woken up and the day hadn't started over he had been both relieved and terrified, because the last time he had been through _this_ day Saga had _died_. But he knew this time it would definitely be different, because things, little things, had changed from before.

As he walked down the stairs towards the door, he spotted his mother coming towards him and sped up his pace, trying to get out of the house before having to actually speak to her. From his experience, his mother was a force to be dealt with, and he wasn't sure the current him would be able to hold back any rude remarks on her comments about his life and how he was living it.

He barely managed to get out of the house without having to speak to her, and he ran off their property and down the street with his heart racing before he stopped to catch his breath. "What am I even afraid of?"

Brushing away his nerves, he made his way towards Saga's house. But what he was met with was definitely not what he'd been expecting.

"I'm _not_ going!" Saga almost shouted―this was alarming in itself because he had never raised his voice around Ritsu before.

"Well you can't stay here! He's gone, Masamune! And you're my responsibility now only, so you're coming with me whether you want to or not!" Saga's mother huffed angrily and grit her teeth at her son, standing in the middle of the front door. "What's keeping you here anyway?"

Ritsu started to breathe heavily and he stepped back and ducked behind the fence of the house next door. His younger self was afraid, and he didn't like the feeling.

"You can't make me go with you," Saga held his head up and gazed evenly at his mother. "Why do we have to leave?"

"He's...leaving?" Ritsu mumbled, putting a hand on his mouth. _No... that's not right!_

"Masamune, I'm late and I'm tired of having this conversation with you every morning," his mother's voice was stern and unforgiving. "There's money on the kitchen table, do whatever you want with it. But when I get home in two days, you'd better be packed."

Ritsu tried not to hyperventilate as he waited for her to leave. Once she was completely out of sight, he shuffled up to the front door, where Saga was still standing. "Hi."

Saga looked at him for a long silent moment before he held the door open and asked, "Why are you in your uniform?"

"Uh," Ritsu stammered as he walked into the house. "My mother, if she s-saw me out of it on a school day she would... not be happy."

"We can't go out with you in it," Saga pointed out, closing the door behind them.

"I know that! I've ditched before!" realizing that he'd let a little too much of his older self come out in his reply, Ritsu stuttered to cover it up. "I m-mean, I brought a spare change of clothes! I just need to change―"

Saga took Ritsu by the wrist and turned him around to face him. "Let me help."

"Aha!" Ritsu laughed nervously and felt jittery as he stopped Saga's hands from sneaking under his shirt. He didn't remember Saga being so insatiable when it came to physical contact but he chalked it up to another thing that was different. "I c-can do it myself! Excuse me!"

* * *

When Ritsu stepped back into the bedroom, he didn't know why he was so nervous. His stomach was doing little flips and he tried to remember why. It wasn't until he saw Saga standing in the middle of his bedroom in his street clothes that he realized what it was―they very rarely saw each other outside of their uniforms and in their casual dress.

Saga was wearing black jeans and a brown belt, with a well-fitting long sleeved shirt and unzipped hoodie. It was obvious how his fashion sense wouldn't change over the years and Ritsu let out a sigh that was almost dreamy. "You look cute," Saga walked over and kissed Ritsu on the forehead.

Ritsu had taken care to pick his outfit the night before, it had actually taken longer than it should have. For some reason, it felt like it was the first time they were going out together, and he supposed somehow it was. He'd picked a pale brown cardigan over a button down shirt and dark blue jeans. Everything his younger self owned was too expensive and he'd done his best to leave the more pricey items out of his wardrobe when he'd been making up his mind.

"Thank you," he murmured, ducking his head with embarrassment.

"There it is," Saga looked at him gently and put his hand on Ritsu's face. "That's the green I remember."

"Aha..." blushing, Ritsu looked down at his feet. "Where are we going?"

Saga tugged him close and gave him a kiss. "Somewhere far away."

 **Thanks to everyone that reviewed! It definitely helps encourage me to continue writing, this next chapter is definitely going to hurt, in a good way though!**


	4. This is How Things Could Have Been

**Chapter 4**

The train car was empty as they stepped into it, and already Ritsu could see how this wouldn't be good for him. The fifteen-year-old in him practically vibrated with the excitement of what they were doing, but the older more mature person he should have been knew better.

Saga had already had their tickets on hand, so Ritsu wondered if he'd been preparing for this little trip of theirs long before he'd actually asked Ritsu to come with him.

On one hand it was a relief that there weren't many people to witness their crime―skipping school was definitely the most rebellious thing his younger self had ever done. On the other hand, this version of Saga-senpai was much less reluctant about keeping the physical contact between them at a _minimum_ , at least as far as Ritsu remembered, but at this point in the situation he was in, Ritsu couldn't even remember what the truth was and what was inaccurate because his memory was definitely playing tricks on him.

He didn't remember the older boy loving him that much―the only thing he was sure of was that his head was fuzzy and blurred because it had always been difficult to think and to pay attention when he'd been around the other boy.

Saga-senpai sat much too close to Ritsu's discomfort, but his hands stayed on his lap and his gaze was averted as they headed towards their destination. Ritsu had the familiar and uneasy feeling that Saga's mind was miles away.

One thing he was sure of and remembered clearly was that quiet and somber expression, and the desperate feeling he felt to want to know what was going on behind those beautiful and striking amber eyes.

The teenager in him wanted to pry, but as always, the adult in him knew better.

* * *

Saga Masamune had the distinct feeling that something was terribly wrong with his small and cute and naively sweet lover.

There was something blunt and oddly cold about those once-soft green eyes that he had grown to love. Ritsu's naively honest eyes had easily become Masamune's favorite part of the smaller boy, so when they had met up the morning before and there had been something chilled like frost in them, he had been concerned. The way Ritsu had looked up at him with such adoration and bright and honest love had alarmed him at first―what the hell was this kid doing looking at anyone like that? What the hell was this dumb and awkward and blushing idiot doing smiling so openly and cheerfully at anyone at all?

 _Especially someone like me_ , he had thought almost every single day after their first encounter.

But now after the many months they had spent together, Saga Masamune was definitely in love and his only thought was how he selfishly wanted this sweet boy to look at only him for the rest of their lives.

 _Lovesick_. That was a word he had never thought he'd use to describe himself. Completely and utterly and idiotically _lovesick_. But there it was and he had admitted it, never out loud but at least to himself. He was suffering what he dramatically exaggerated as an illness that was worse than cancer and it was a strange and fluttery feeling called love.

For a brief moment of alarm, he'd thought that the cold feeling in Ritsu's eyes was a sign that the boy had finally realized his mistake and decided it was time to move on. That was how it seemed to work to Masamune's experience; people came by, fixed whatever part of someone they thought needed it, and once they were satisfied with themselves, they left.

This was not the case however, because Ritsu had been almost relieved to see him and had hugged him. In his embrace all of Masamune's problems had melted away, and that was when he had decided there was no way he would be able to agree to his mother's terms, much to her and his own dismay.

 _What the hell am I doing?_ he sighed thoughtfully as he looked back at Ritsu.

The small boy was sitting almost tensely next to him, his fingers fidgeting with a short piece of string that stuck out from the knee of his jeans. He looked nervous and when he realized he was being watched, he became even more flustered and looked away.

Masamune realized he wasn't even sure where they were going so he asked, "What do you want to do?"

"Hm?" Ritsu looked at him and raised is eyebrows. "Oh, um… I don't know?"

"I didn't actually plan anything I just picked a destination and went with it," Masamune admitted, feeling his ears get hot. He'd been so focused on just being with Ritsu he'd forgot to think of an activity they could do together that didn't involve having their clothes off. "I just wanted to be with you."

"Hah?" the smaller boy put his hands on his face and patted them with embarrassment, "Um, I, oh… um, what about… what about the beach?" he blurted out.

Masamune raised one eyebrow and looked at Ritsu quizzically, realizing that there was definitely something wrong with the smaller boy. "It is a little cold to go swimming right now, Ritsu."

"I know that!" Ritsu almost snapped at him, his eyebrows furrowing, then he blushed brightly and turned away, seeming incredibly out of place with himself. "I mean, we've never been there together is all! I thought… it would be a nice memory."

Masamune smiled at that adorable expression and he reached up and put his hand on Ritsu's head. To his not surprise, the boy almost flinched away, nearly jumping out of his skin from the contact. He pulled Ritsu over and kissed him, smiling again when he opened his eyes and saw that Ritsu had his own squeezed shut, his cheeks a bright and lovely shade of red.

"You're better at that," he almost teased as he pulled back.

"Your smile…" Ritsu looked at him dazedly, almost sadly, something he'd been doing since yesterday morning, and he sighed as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Masamune's lips. "I love your smile, please smile again."

 _Badump_. Masamune felt his heart skip and he raised his arms and put them around Ritsu, abruptly hugging the boy to him to hide the fact that he was blushing. _What am I stupid? Like I'm the idiot in love._

That little gesture had been just too cute and he felt like his stomach was digesting itself as he squeezed Ritsu tightly. In the beginning, he remembered he'd tried to ignore him―until the time when Ritsu had blurted out the words "I love you" so carelessly and innocently.

"S-Saga-senpai! I can't breathe!" Ritsu squirmed and turned his head up to look at him, a pout on his mouth. "L-let go of me, please!"

Not letting go, he smiled again, this time a little bit more openly. Being so freely loved by this person was changing him. Masamune wasn't even sure into what.

* * *

Ritsu leaned his head back to feel the sun on his skin, despite the cold breeze it still felt warm and he was glad for that at least.

They had arrived to their destination only two short hours ago but already he was covered in sand. Saga-senpai had been in an unusually playful mood and they had both ended up falling into the sand, where he'd rolled them over so Ritsu was beneath him and then kissed him there, with nothing but the birds and the sound of the waves to accompany them. Ritsu had squeezed his eyes shut tightly, wrapping his arms around Saga's back and curling his fingers into the other's sweater so hard it hurt.

Now Ritsu was standing on a dock near to where they'd fallen, brushing sand off his legs and arms, fixing his sweater and brushing sand out of his hair.

"Here," Saga joined him a moment later and handed him a bottle of tea and Ritsu wrapped his fingers around it.

"Thank you," he stammered, averting his eyes and looking out to the sea, not opening his tea but instead holding it tightly.

"This was a good idea," the other commented, leaning up against Ritsu and pressing their sides together, leaning his head down on Ritsu's shoulder in an unusually bold gesture of affection.

Ritsu felt his skin start to get hot and he knew he was blushing. "S-senpai! We're in public!"

"So?" Saga turned his face and kissed Ritsu's neck. "There's no one around to see us."

"You've been really whimsical lately, Saga-senpai," Ritsu noted, breathing in unevenly at the feeling of Saga's lips on his neck. "Is something wrong?"

With a sigh, Saga raised his head and leaned against the wood of the dock and picked at a splinter with his fingers. "No."

Ritsu was having a difficult time being himself, his younger more naïve self, but he tried his best as he leaned forward and breathed in deeply, finally opening his drink. "You should talk about your problems, senpai. Your thoughts and your feelings―they are important and if you keep them inside of you it just kind of… hurts, doesn't it?"

The older boy didn't say anything for a long moment before he finally pushed himself off the dock and grabbed Ritsu by the wrist. "Come on, let's go for a dip."

"S-Saga-senpai, no!"

* * *

"Ritsu," Saga lay back on the sand and looked over at the boy, blinking at him tiredly as he reached up and ran his fingers through Ritsu's hair.

"Yes, senpai?" Ritsu blinked up at the darkening sky, which had already been dark all day from the clouds that briefly parted to show the sun maybe twice throughout the day.

Saga leaned his head over and pressed their foreheads together. "Why don't you just call me by my name?"

"U-um," Ritsu became flustered and couldn't even decide how to reply to that. He was sure he had never said Saga's name out loud in this version of their past, not even when he was alone or by himself. This was true now and had been when he had originally been fifteen as well. "Would you like me to do that?"

"Y-yeah," it was surprising to hear senpai stutter.

Ritsu turned on his side and smiled at him, wanting to leave at least one happy memory with this boy. He smiled fondly and closed his eyes, "M…Masamune…"

"Ritsu," Saga leaned forward and kissed him. "If I asked you to run away with me, would you come?"

"Um," the other blinked with surprise but then he remembered the scene he'd walked up to that morning and he knew what he had to say. "I would, I would go anywhere if it meant being there with you."

Saga kissed him again but didn't say anything else.

* * *

Ritsu should have known he was going to have to face some consequences for ditching school. The next day there was no school because it was the weekend, but he wasn't even sure he would have been able to focus if there had been class. This time the two days had passed without a restart and that alone was enough to have him on edge and nervous and feeling like something terrible was about to happen.

He'd gotten home incredibly late only to find his mother completely pissed off at him and threatening to send him abroad if he started to act "unlike himself" before sending him to his room. The school had obviously called his home and his mother had obviously picked up and put two and two together, though she wouldn't be able to figure out that Ritsu liked boys for another twelve years, the woman wasn't completely daft.

Ritsu spent most of his morning in his pajamas pacing back and forth in front of his window, wondering what was going on with Saga. They'd promised to do something together that day, too, but Ritsu had been unable to escape his bedroom since his mother was keeping a close eye on him.

When he ran his hands through his hair in frustration, his palms came back with stray grains of sand and he couldn't help but feel comforted by this new memory he had gotten a chance to make with the adolescent love of his life.

This brought on a new wave of panic though, when Ritsu realized he was starting to forget what it was like to be himself and the idea that he may never get back to the real Takano-san made his stomach hurt.

"Ritsu?" it was his mother standing at his door when he turned, and her expression was mild concern and mostly curiosity.

"Uh, y-yes mother?" Ritsu turned around and brushed his hands off on his pants.

"You have a phone call? He says it's important," she walked over and handed him the cordless phone. "I didn't know you had any friends, he sounds like a nice boy."

Wondering who it could be, Ritsu took the phone and held it up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Ritsu? I got worried when you didn't show up," Saga's voice filled his ears and Ritsu felt alarmed.

"Can I have a minute, mother?" he guided her towards the door and closed it behind her before she could protest. He was confused and he wondered at what point he'd given Saga-senpai his number, and then he realized this was another thing that was different. The list was getting longer with each passing day. "S-Senpai? What? Oh, I um, I got in trouble for missing school, they called home and my mother grounded me. She even threatened to send me to study abroad which I know she won't do because she would miss me."

"I―hang on," Saga was suddenly interrupted by the muffled voice of a woman. " _Masamune, we need to go_ now _. Hurry up! They'll come back for that, let's go!_ "

"Sorry, Ritsu," a moment later Saga finally spoke again. He was quiet on the line and Ritsu wondered if something was wrong.

"Senpai? Are you okay? You sound upset. Is something the matter?"

"I'm sorry," he repeated, there was a long moment of silence, then a click, and the line went dead.

"Senpai? Hello?"

* * *

Ritsu had almost forgotten his homework, the exact same homework he had failed to turn in the previous week, but he found it there still waiting to be turned in for a late grade that would definitely bring his mark down as he got ready for school. He resigned to the fact that it was basically pointless to turn it in but left it in his school bag anyway.

He had tried many times to dial back the number Saga-senpai had called him from, but all he would get was a busy or a disconnected tone. Despite his worry, his mother had not allowed him to leave the house, and she had even instructed him to come straight home after school.

The moment he was ready, he practically ran out of his house and in the direction of Saga's own home. He needed to be sure that there was nothing wrong and he had to be sure that nothing had happened to Saga that could be a domino effect of him being there. For many reasons, he couldn't risk that what was happening to him was just a dream and it didn't matter what happened―he needed to be sure the other boy was fine, even if it was a dream he still needed to be _sure_.

As he approached the home of the Saga family, he realized immediately something was definitely off. The lights weren't on in the kitchen where Saga-senpai normally had breakfast ready for the both of them on the days they walked to school together, and the curtains were shut tight.

Walking up to the door, he knocked several times and let several long minutes pass by without an answer before finally let himself feel the panic that had been fighting its way up his throat.

He wondered if he still remembered a trick he'd picked up in college as he searched for a paperclip or two in his school bag. He was surprised and pleased to find that he could still pick locks. _I still remember how to edit shojo manga so duh_ , he thought to himself as he walked into the house. "Senpai? Are you here?"

The panic left in him from the phone call became abruptly justified when he stepped into the house and found that it was _empty_.

"No… this is w-wrong," Ritsu choke up and dropped his arms to his sides, the paperclips slipping out of his fingers and falling with soft 'clinks' to the floor. "This is _wrong_."

Most of the few personal objects he remembered from Saga's house were gone, and Ritsu skipped up the stairs two at a time as he hurried to see what he didn't want to find. When he got to the familiar bedroom, his heart sunk to his feet when he found an empty closet and empty dresser drawers. Most of Saga's books had already been taken and very few had been left behind in a single open box but everything else was _gone_.

Ritsu took in a shaky breath he then had trouble letting out as it got stuck in his lungs, squeezing at his heart as his eyes burned and he backed up against the wall and realized he was having a panic attack. The little Ritsu inside of him was screaming from the sudden realization that Saga-senpai was gone and his older self could do nothing to contain his sorrow.

"He's gone," he finally choked, curling his hands into fists as he slid down on the floor and bent his knees to his chest, tears sliding down his cheeks and dripping from his chin. "He left. He left. He l-left me―"

 **Day late, sorry everyone! My internet stopped working yesterday. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, please leave me your thoughts! I'll be updating on Mondays from now on so the wait for the next chapter will have to be extended!**


	5. Memories Are a Tricky Thing

**Chapter 5**

Ritsu sat bolt up in his bed and, with a horror that was becoming all too familiar, he started to cry. The last thing he remembered was falling asleep on the floor of Saga's empty bedroom after curling up there and crying for a number of hours he had lost count of. Now, he took in a shuddering breath and tried not to sob as he rubbed his eyes with his hands and looked at his calendar. To his great relief, it was once again time to repeat everything all over for the third time in a row. He just hoped with all of his might that Saga Masamune was still living where he was supposed to be.

When he checked the time and found that it was only four in the morning, Ritsu threw the covers of his bed off himself and went into his bathroom. He splashed his face with ice cold water and stared at himself in the mirror. He was still his younger self, his hair sticking out oddly from sleeping on his back and the familiar kiss mark still on his collar. It should have faded with time, but it looked like it was still fresh from the day before.

"What am I doing?" he murmured, gazing at his reflection sadly and feeling tired.

A fresh wave of tears stung his eyes and he rubbed at them, sniffling as he looked down at his feet and realized he didn't even feel how cold the floor was anymore. His heart was aching terribly and he missed Takano-san.

"He would probably know what to do," Ritsu found his stomach hurting and his heart aching when he thought of his lover. "But I can't really ask him, can I?"

Even now, after almost a week of not seeing him and after actually being together for a little over a year, it was hard to think of Takano-san using that word. _Lover_. Still, Ritsu pressed himself against the bathroom door and slid down to the floor, curling up there with his legs to his chest and his arms folded on his knees as he lay his head down on them and tried not to cry.

His younger self's personality was getting more and more prominent with each passing day, and Ritsu was starting to fear that he would forget what it was like to be him―the real him. The him that was stubborn and driven, the him that didn't blush and stutter like an idiot every time he saw the person he loved.

"I can't ask Takano-san," he raised his head as an idea came to him. "But I can ask the next best thing."

* * *

A short forty minutes after he'd woken back in the beginning of his hellish nightmare, Ritsu threw on a coat and scarf and stepped into his shoes before he combed down his hair and practically ran out of the house.

"Why today, why today…" Ritsu muttered the words to himself over and over again as he made his way down the sidewalk. "Why today?"

He huffed and his breath was white in the air like steam, and he realized it was much colder this time around than it had been before. He shivered as he walked closer and closer to Saga's house and hunched his shoulders, burying his face in his scarf. When he got to the gate he became suddenly more nervous but he figured it was just how his younger self would have felt bothering his beloved senpai at such an awfully early time.

 _God, how disgusting_ , he felt bitter about how innocent and stupid he had once been and almost curled his lip before he shook his head and tried to talk himself back into what he was about to do. "I have no idea what I'm doing but how's that new? This was stupid… I should just go home. Ha, what home…?"

He was about to turn and go back the way he'd come when the front door opened, to his younger self's complete and total mortification.

"Ritsu? What are you doing out here in the cold? It's five in the _morning_ ," Saga was standing there looking at him like he was crazy but also with an undertone of concern on his face. "Get inside now, idiot, before you get sick."

Those familiar alarm bells that Ritsu had grown to hate went off in his head when the older boy called him an idiot but he just marked it down on the long list of things that were different and went inside.

"S-sorry," he shivered once the door closed behind him and wanted nothing more than to bury his cold nose in the warmth of Saga's shoulder. "I, I… I couldn't sleep and I had to see you. How did you know I was out there?"

Saga stood back and he put his hands on his hips, gazing at Ritsu with oddly cold golden eyes and then turning and going into the kitchen. Ritsu followed him as the other spoke, "I got up for a glass of water and saw you through the kitchen window."

"Um, sorry…" Ritsu had the awful feeling that the older boy was unhappy with him and he wondered what it was about but couldn't dare to ask. He watched Saga drink down his water before he said, "I just… I don't know. I need your help with something, I guess."

Setting down his empty glass, Saga-senpai turned back to Ritsu and gave him a cold look and raised a single eyebrow. "What do you want?"

"I…" swallowing, Ritsu shrunk into his coat and felt confused. "Are you upset at me?"

"Well," Saga stepped up to him and got extremely close, looking at him intensely and almost cruelly―a look he would grow to master in the future as Ritsu's boss but also a look that little Ritsu found completely unfamiliar. "How am I supposed to feel when the supposed love of my life kicks me and runs away and then shows up at my house the next morning at an atrociously early hour asking me for a _favor_?"

"Oh," Ritsu took a step back at the sharpness of the words and then felt the blood draining out of his cold cheeks and face as he realized something incredibly important. "Today… that's why today…" he let out a soft breath and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "I'm―"

"Ritsu," Saga closed the space between them that Ritsu had created by moving back. He raised his hand to touch the younger boys face but then hesitated and dropped it. "What do you want?"

"I," it was difficult to concentrate with how close they were to each other but Ritsu shook off the feelings and thoughts in his head as he finally let the words out. "I need to tell you something and I know you won't believe me but you have to try, please. Please."

* * *

"…divorce, huh?" Saga leaned his head back on his bed and sighed as he looked thoughtfully ahead of himself.

Ritsu watched him carefully, his nervousness having subsided the more he had talked about the events that had happened to him. "Um, yeah. Sorry."

He had quietly told Saga about what had happened after they had broken up over a misunderstanding that had apparently happened just the day before, and how he had returned ten years later to find that an older version of Saga was his new boss with a different name.

Now, the older boy shrugged, his expression not changing much. "I would have expected it much sooner than what you're telling me. _If_ you're telling me the truth."

Both of them were sitting on the floor of Saga's bedroom, and they had been there for well over an hour as Ritsu recounted the events of the past several days, getting teary when he'd gotten to the part with the bus, and even more so when he'd recounted the events that had led to his emotional breakdown the day before―which to Saga had also been a pretty bad day for the both of them as well. At first the older boy had looked reluctant to believe it, but the more Ritsu talked the more honest his words started to sound and it was hard to doubt him. He had been oddly quiet the entire time Ritsu talked, despite all the questions that probably popped into his head.

" _Takano-san_ , hm?" Saga-senpai raised both eyebrows and shrugged. "Figures. This is completely weird. Are you sure it wasn't a bizarre dream?"

"I don't think dreams can last twelve years, Saga-senpai," Ritsu commented, resting his chin on his knees and looking around the bedroom. "Funny, but this room feels completely familiar, as if it hasn't been all those years. But I guess I was technically here yesterday."

Saga looked at him and scrunched his eyebrows together. "You're not joking with me, are you? To distract me and get me to forgive you for yesterday? What was that even about anyway?"

"I don't really know, to be honest. But no, I'm not joking," Ritsu scrunched his eyebrows together, too. "This would be a ridiculous joke to play on anyone and I just want to go home. Besides, I don't know what happened yesterday, after I left I never came back and …after I left I just… kind of blacked it out and I never remembered what happened between us again."

Saga gave him a look, as if he didn't believe him. "Not even after we ended up together?"

Ritsu nodded his head and felt ashamed. "It was water under the bridge by then, but we got into an argument and I somehow ended up here," he started tearing up again. "I don't know how to get back and I don't know how I'm going to apologize if I do."

"You're different," the older boy raised his head and tucked Ritsu's hair back, looking at him with a surprisingly even expression. "Your eyes are like emerald."

With a heavy sigh, Ritsu looked down at his hands, not being able to help the blush that heated his face. "Cold like ice, I know," he brushed away Saga's hand and turned his head. "You said that before."

"I just don't know what to believe," Saga said softly. "But I do believe one thing, and that is that you are not _my_ Ritsu."

Ritsu felt ashamed and guilty and he was about to say something else when he was interrupted by a small furry ball crawling into his lap. He was startled until he realized what it was. "Sorata! Hi…you know he lives a really long time? Yokozawa-san takes good care of him even after―I mean…"

"Yokozawa-san?" Saga was confused again. "Who's that?"

"Oh, uh," Ritsu blinked quickly and combed back his hair, giving the cat to Saga and already feeling annoyed. "He's your friend from university and we also work with him and…"

"You don't like him," the older boy was quick to pick up.

Ritsu figured there was no point in hiding that. "No! I don't! I mean, I kind of… we had a disagreement."

At this, Saga almost smiled. "Over Takano-san?"

With a nod, Ritsu hugged his knees to his chest again and looked away with a pout. "I guess I can tell you… He told me to stay away from you and that if I hurt you again he would take you back."

"Back?" Saga leaned back on the bed and looked at the ceiling. This time, his expression was off and upset. "So I have someone _after_ you? That seems impossible currently… Though I guess not after what happened yesterday."

Ritsu felt a heavy guilt on his shoulders and he looked over at the boy. "I'm so sorry. It seems I messed everything up," his voice broke and he realized that he was crying now and he rushed to cover his face with his hands. "I'm sorry―I just, I really m-miss him. I just really miss Takano-san."

"It's okay," Saga reached out and patted him on the head, leaning over and hugging him carefully, tucking Ritsu's head under his chin gently. "I think I want my Ritsu back, and I want you to go back to him―to the version of me that you love."

"Thank you for believing me," feeling flustered at the sweet gesture, Ritsu sniffed and blinked away more tears. "I guess it doesn't really matter if you believe me or not, tomorrow you won't remember anymore if things start over."

"I don't really know how to help you," Saga mumbled uselessly.

"I want to go home," Ritsu started to cry again, his sobs causing him to hiccup. "I want to go home. I want to g-go home."

* * *

Ritsu jolted awake in a panic before he realized where he was―once again, in his old bedroom with the same bookcases and the same curtains and the same soft carpet and the same bedcovers thrown over him and the same date on the calendar as before.

" _No_ ," with a groan he fell back on the pillows, suppressing the urge to scream.

He remembered falling asleep on the floor of Saga's bedroom and wishing that perhaps tomorrow he would be back where he belonged. He remembered desperately wanting to go home and a feeling of utter and completely devastated defeat as he had closed his eyes, Saga-senpai leaning over him briefly to drape a blanket over his shoulders.

But the more he tried to remember, the harder it was and the more he started to forget.

Shaking his head, Ritsu got out of bed to check the time, but he felt immediately woozy and had to sit back down. It was almost noon and he put his palms on his face. "I have a fever…"

A part of him wanted to call for help but all he ended up doing was collapsing back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. He let a small groan escape from him before he curled up with his knees hugged tightly to his chest and decided that he was giving up and staying where he was for the rest of his life.

Even though he knew it wasn't something he was realistically able to do, he couldn't help but laugh at how unreal everything was in his situation anyway. "Maybe I _can_ stay here forever, just repeating today again and again… Why do anything at all? I'll get a chance to do something tomorrow anyway..."

He was just deciding on whether or not he was going to get up, when someone knocked on his door. Raising his head, he blinked away the dizziness and said, "Come in."

"Ricchan?" at this point, nothing could surprise him, so Ritsu wasn't at all shocked when Ann-chan walked into his room, her hair a tangled mess as she had obviously also just woken up, her pajamas patterned with a childish haggle of ducklings. She sniffled and rubbed her eyes, "Ricchan, are you sick, too? Mama says we can both stay home today if we really don't feel well."

The way Ann-chan had phrased it, it sounded like she had called Ritsu's mother her mother as well, and this was enough to snap Ritsu out of his depressed state and he sat up and looked at her. "Mama? Uh, Ann-chan, are you my sister?"

The small girl looked at him with confusion and scrunched her eyebrows together and shuffled over to the bed, hopping on it and draping herself over Ritsu. "Ricchan, you must really be sick if you don't remember your own twin sister."

Her barely heavy weight on him was actually a comfort, possibly for the first time in his entire life, and Ritsu realized the little Ritsu inside of him recognized Ann-chan as his sibling. He sniffled and closed his eyes, "Yeah. I don't feel too well."

"Did you have a fight with nii-san? I mean, Saga-kun!" Ann-chan became flustered and her already red face became even redder as she sat back and brushed her fingers through her hair. "I told you if you don't hold on to him, I'm definitely going to take him!"

"Sorry, Ann-chan, but he's _definitely_ gay," Ritsu rolled his eyes at her and then remembered he wasn't supposed to talk to this version of Ann-chan like that. But did it really matter what he said at all if it was just going to be different tomorrow?

Ann-chan puffed up her cheeks and pushed him, but it was a gentle gesture heavy with her sisterly affection for him. "Shut up."

"How do you even know about him?" Ritsu raised an eyebrow at her, feeling strangely at ease with her company.

The small girl giggled and covered her mouth, "Ricchan, I caught you two making out in the library like three times now, are you okay? Do you need a doctor?"

Ritsu shook his head and couldn't be surprised. "Nope. And that figures."

"You know you can't keep secrets from me," Ann-chan grinned at him. "Come on, let's go watch movies together. Mama said it was okay to stay home today after all!"

"Sure, why not," Ritsu shrugged and grabbed his blankets. He figured he might as well take a day off if he was going to have to do the whole thing over again tomorrow anyway.

Ann-chan hopped off the bed. "You know, you should really introduce him to mama, she'd love him!"

"Pfft. Not even in _this_ lifetime."

* * *

It was only half an hour after school should have let out for the two sick children, when there was someone at the front door. Their mother had left them after making sure they would be fine without her, and their father was never home anyway, so the two of them had had the house to themselves.

"I'll get it," Ritsu put down his controller after pausing their video game, already having added the fact that this Ann-chan was a wiz at them to his long list of differences.

"Today's the maid's day off, so you'll have to," Ann-chan didn't even glance away from the screen. "Get me some juice while you're downstairs! None of the grape stuff, either."

His fever had gone down and Ritsu was sniffling less now, he had showered and changed into a clean set of pajamas, all the while wondering what was going on outside of his selfish whim to not go through the motions of the day. He had considered that his change of the events that should have taken place that day may change the future, but in the end had decided he gave absolutely zero fucks about it.

Finally, Ritsu opened the front door and his mouth fell open in the small shape of an 'o' with surprise when he saw who was standing there. "Oh, uh, hi…?" he stood there with confusion, staring at no one else but Saga Masamune.

"Hey," Saga stuck his hands in his pockets and glanced away quickly, as if he were nervous or anxious―even a little bit flustered.

"Um, about yesterday…" suddenly, Ritsu wasn't sure if he should apologize for what had happened, even if he still didn't quite remember what had gone down between them. But he realized that Saga should not know where he lived at all, and that this was another big difference to add to the list.

"Yeah?" the taller boy looked back at him curiously. "What about yesterday?"

"Um, uh," his mouth dry, Ritsu shook his head. "Never mind, Saga-senpai, what are you doing here?"

Senpai blinked back at him and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean what am I doing here? You invited me over yesterday."

Ritsu could do nothing but blink with awed confusion and take a deep breath. "Oh."

 **This is a bit late but thanks for the reviews! Let me know what you think or if there's a scenario you want to see before I come to a conclusion.**


	6. We Owe It To Love

**Chapter 6**

Takano Masamune was almost thirty years old, but for some strange reason he sometimes felt like he was still a teenager. The same confused and frustrated kid he had once been was still there after all this time, still desperately in love with that same idiot green eyed boy who was now also all grown up.

" _Sometimes I just hate you!"_

"What an idiot…" his words were definitely referring to his silly lover, with his angry green eyes and scarlet red cheeks, Ritsu had told Takaon he hated him, but Takano knew that was far from the truth. Either way, Takano had pushed him out of his apartment before he had realized what he was doing, and he had slammed the door shut before Ritsu had the chance to take any of it back.

Now, Takano sighed heavily as he laid sprawled out on his bed which felt unusually large without Ritsu there with him. He actually didn't even remember the last time Ritsu had slept away from him because they were always together.

Huffing like a child, Takano threw one of his pillows before he picked up a different one, the one Ritsu usually slept on, and hugged it to himself. "… _dumbass_."

Like Ritsu, he was also incredibly stubborn, but of course Takano realized that the other would never own up to what he'd said and come running over like some distressed kid. At least, not immediately. Onodera Ritsu was definitely the type to sulk and pout by himself; he was probably in his apartment right now stomping around and ranting about how Takano-san was an idiot.

Standing up, Takano shook his head and went to his front door. Ritsu wouldn't come over again that night, that was for sure, so he decided it would be best for them to make up now instead of leaving that moron to stew in his own stupid doubts and feelings of being not sure for who knows how many days before they were forced to interact again at work.

Sometimes it was concerning how easily Ritsu doubted their love. But then again, their argument this time had been about Takano's own doubts so who was he to judge?

With a moment of hesitation that surprised even him, Takano lowered his hand from the door and turned away before knocking. He felt frustrated with the fact that he was tired of feeling like he had to keep pursuing Ritsu. After all of his efforts, Ritsu still seemed to be holding back. So, he turned around and went back to his apartment.

* * *

"And this is my father's study," Ritsu hesitated before opening the door but then remembered there was no one home and also no reason for him to hesitate. "When I was younger I would sit in here and I would read, I've read every book in here at least once, and a few more than just that."

He really hoped he sounded as animated as he should have been, and everything seemed to be okay because Saga just nodded and peered inside, most likely not comfortable going into the room but trying to look inside anyway. "Wait, you really read everything in here?"

"Well, yes," Ritsu nodded his head quickly, then he felt dizzy and stopped. "But you know that already."

"I thought it would be a smaller collection," the taller boy was almost in awe of the rows of books in the room. "Now I just think you were exaggerating."

Ritsu felt almost offended but easily covered up his irritated expression by coughing, "I wouldn't, that's a silly thing to lie about."

The other just turned to Ritsu and smiled that familiar heartbreaking smile of his. "Then I would think you'd said it just to impress me."

How boldly this Saga flirted with him made Ritsu nervous and he hated how much like the older Takano-san this boy was. There was such a confidently lazy slouch to his broad shoulders and a slight and charming squint to his amber gold eyes and it bothered Ritsu to no end.

Ritsu took a step back and headed for the stairs, "Come on, Ann-chan is home 'cause she's sick, too."

"Oh, I should probably apologize about how she walked in on us last week," Saga commented as he followed Ritsu up the stairs.

The way he spoke made it sound like he wasn't sorry at all. "You don't sound apologetic," Ritsu tried not to roll his eyes.

"That's because I'm not," Saga replied, and Ritsu felt a shiver run down his spine when Saga breathed on his neck. "Where's _your_ room?"

The smaller boy almost yelped and then quickly walked up the stairs, rushing to get away. "Let's go say hi to Ann-chan!"

"Saga-kun!" upstairs and down one of the many hallways, Ann-chan leaned back and grinned before turning back and glaring at the TV screen. "Darn, I lost a life!"

"Hello, Ann-chan," Saga stood at the door awkwardly, glancing around with a timid curiosity that Ritsu had not expected after his bold come-on to him just a second ago.

"This is Ann-chan's room, as you can see, she's still a huge geek," the words were out before Ritsu realized it wasn't really him saying them, but the version of his little self that was more comfortable with Saga-senpai than he had ever been originally.

Saga smiled almost too easily and put his arm around Ritsu's shoulders. "Don't be so mean to your sister."

"Yeah, Ricchan, Saga-kun will definitely leave you for me," Ann-chan grinned again but didn't look away from her video game this time. This Ann-chan was definitely something different all together. "So is he gonna introduce you to mama already or what?"

"No, I don't think so," Saga seemed amused but it was so subtle that Ritsu almost missed it.

Ritsu tried not to scowl at his sister―he tried not to scowl at Ann-chan, but it was difficult to resist the urge. "Ann-chan, stop it! He's not meeting mother!"

"At least not yet," the older boy pointed out with a hint of humor in his voice.

"At least not ever!" Ritsu almost scowled before he caught himself and tried to act flustered by the whole conversation. "I mean, _senpai―"_

The small girl shrugged her shoulders and paused her game, her face now almost serious as she turned towards them and said, "Ricchan, honestly! You'd better do it quick 'cause you know mama already has a list of lady suitors for you and well, you probably won't like any of them 'cause I've seen the list and there are no boys on it, and there is definitely no _Saga-senpai_ on there either _,_ " she added in a teasing tone with a small and triumph of a smile.

"That's very true, wait, you guys still do the whole arranged marriage stuff?" Saga raised both of his eyebrows and his arm tightened around Ritsu from whatever he was thinking about.

Ritsu shrugged and looked up at the handsome boy, "I guess, but I already told her it isn't happening."

"Maybe I _should_ meet your mother," Saga commented, almost distantly as if he were really considering the idea. "Ask for your hand, do people still do that?"

"Aha, no," hastily ducking out from under Saga, but not before blushing and becoming flustered, Ritsu turned swiftly on one heel and gestured for them to go down the hall. "Let me just show you my bedroom!"

"Don't do anything mama would disapprove of, Ricchan!" Ann-chan's voice followed them out of the room.

Feeling red in the face and not just from his high temperature, Ritsu slammed the door shut behind them and leaned against it for a moment. He was starting to feel overwhelmed and totally exhausted. He was tired of pretending to be the stupid naïve kid he had once been and he didn't want to do it anymore. He wanted to go home and he still had no idea how he was going to make that happen.

"You should be relieved your sister approves of us," Saga gazed at Ritsu curiously, as if he was noticing that something was definitely wrong with his small lover. "From what she says about your mother, she's less likely to agree to our relationship."

 _Finally, a familiar expression!_ Ritsu huffed and tried not to roll his eyes, "It's whatever mother can think what she wants! I mean, well, um, how was school?"

"It was fine, boring," Saga dropped his school bag on the floor and walked around the room, going first and predictably to the bookcase, admiring Ritsu's collection nearly absentmindedly―but it was a stoic and lazy expression that Ritsu recognized―Takano-san wore it often when he pretended like he wasn't paying attention.

Not knowing what to say after that, Ritsu went over to his bed and sat down, kicking his feet and watching the other walk around his room.

"It looks like you," Saga commented, looking around.

 _You don't even know who I am_ , Ritsu thought almost bitterly, then he struggled to make sure his expression didn't betray his thoughts. "Well, it is my room, Saga-senpai, it is filled with things that I like."

"It suits you," Saga picked a book off the shelf and thumbed through it quickly before putting it back. "You write your name on the inside of all of your books, I should have guessed."

"Uh," at this, Ritsu paled when he realized he wasn't sure if this Saga knew who he really was. He stood up and went over to the other boy, admiring his own books. "Yeah."

Saga stepped over to him and, leaning close and flashing that beautiful and breathtaking smile, he pressed their foreheads together. "I missed you today."

The kiss, as always, was a mix of sweet heat, awkwardness, and the clumsy need to be close to each other. Ritsu at least recognized this feeling because he had still continued to feel it as he had fallen in love with Takano-san all over again, and he struggled to breathe for a moment before he reached up with his arms and put them around Saga's neck, giving into the feverish desire that had already started to consume him. _Takano-san…_

When he felt the hot tears slide down his cheeks, Ritsu broke their kiss almost roughly and backed away, letting go of Saga-senpai before pushing him back. "No―I'm sorry, we can't…"

"Ritsu? Are you okay?" those eyes staring at him with those type of feelings―concern, love, adoration―made Ritsu's heart ache and he just couldn't do it. "We don't have to, you know... we can just hang out and stuff."

"I'm sorry, I _am_ sorry," Ritsu really couldn't emphasize it enough. "But you have to leave, just go home, Saga-senpai. We'll just do this again tomorrow anyway, so _get out_."

It was frightening how quickly the care in those golden eyes slipped away and was suddenly replaced by a cold aloofness. Saga peered down at him through strands of dark hair and leaned his head to the side. "So that's _it_? You're done with your little infatuation with me all of the sudden?"

"I―" Ritsu choked on his words and wiped at his face, not recognizing that look on Saga's face but remembering it from Takano's. "I'm, I'm s-sorry."

"You were the one who insisted," the older boy took a step back and held his head up, as if it was all that kept him from giving away the heartbreak he was actually feeling. "You were the one who carelessly said 'I love you'."

"I can't do this," Ritsu breathed, swallowing as he went and opened the door before he turned out of the room. His body felt stiff and it was hard to move forward, but he forced himself to walk. "C-come, I'll walk you out. You just... you can't be here."

"You're acting so odd, Ritsu, are you okay? I know you're kind of sick but, you're not making sense," despite Ritsu's refusal, Saga still seemed to care enough to worry, but all it did was make Ritsu feel worse.

He led the other boy towards the stairs, but Saga insisted in questioning his odd behavior. It made his head spin, how stubborn this lovely boy was, but Ritsu had to wonder if it was just his fever that made him feel like that.

All he really knew was that the little Ritsu this person loved didn't exist anymore because Ritsu didn't remember him.

He wasn't exactly paying attention as he said, "Saga-senpai, please, just g-go home, okay? We can talk tomorrow," Ritsu glanced back and tried not to seem as miserable as he felt. "Just go home and we'll talk tomorrow."

"If I did something wrong, you can just tell me," Saga insisted, his eyebrows knit together to match his frown. "The kissing and stuff, we don't have to do that if you don't want to."

"No! No, everything is, it's fine, really," Ritsu turned abruptly. "Don't even wh―!"

"Ritsu! Look out!" but Saga's words fell short of Ritsu's ears, because his foot had already slipped on the top step and all Ritsu knew now was that he was falling; he was falling and tumbling down the stairs.

* * *

" _Ricchan! Ricchan, open your eyes! Ricchan!"_

" _Ritsu! Stay with me, okay? Just, stay―"_

" _There's so much blood, S-Saga-kun, wh-what do we do?"_

" _Ritsu, please, Ritsu, Ritsu,_ Ritsu _…"_

* * *

Fifteen-year-old Ritsu Onodera rolled over on his back and took a deep breath, opening his eyes and struggling against the heavy fog of sleep. As he blinked up at the familiar ceiling of his bedroom, he tried to remember what he had been dreaming of that left his stomach hurting something awful. Raising his hands, he touched the back of his head, feeling like there should have been something incredibly wrong there.

Sitting up, he raised his arms up and stretched and yawned before he rubbed the rest of the sleep from his eyes with his palms and stood up.

Half an hour later as he brushed his teeth and combed his hair, damp now after his shower, he couldn't help the distinct feeling that he was forgetting something important.

 **I have only enough ideas for one more chapter, unless you guys want to suggest anything.  
** **Please look forward to next week! Don't forget to review~!**


	7. But It All Depends On You

**Chapter 7**

Ritsu hugged his school bag to himself as he made his way towards the library. Somehow, he had gotten to school, somehow he had turned in his assignments, somehow he had managed to take notes, somehow the school day had passed, and somehow it was already over. He felt strangely out of place and sometimes dizzy, as if something was wrong with him.

As he walked into the library, the familiar layout of the large bookcases his only comfort from the recent events in his personal life, Ritsu sighed heavily. In that same nook of the library as every single time he was there, Saga Masamune was sitting in a chair with a new stack of books spread out in front of him.

Every thought he had ever had about this boy was outlined in gold; beautiful to the point where it was painful to think about him anymore. That he would fall in love after such a silly and little thing… well, he wondered how fickle his heart really was. As it was, his feelings for this person had never gone away and Ritsu had very little means to cope.

Lately, it had become increasingly more difficult to think of this boy, with that sad expression and the lonely air that surrounded him―in fact all Ritsu could hope now was that Saga Masamune would hurry up and graduate and get out of his life. To each other, they had never spoken a single word, so why was it that this dark-haired boy meant the whole world to Ritsu?

Each passing night, his mind called out to this person, and in his dreams Saga always appeared. He wondered what it was like not to know the feeling of being that important to anyone.

 _My heart loves you… and it is incredible,_ he sighed as he picked out a random book from no shelf in particular and then another and another, just as he did every day and as he had for over three years now. Once he had gathered a small stack in his arms he headed for a table not too far away from where the other sat, but not close enough that it would give them an excuse or a reason to interact with each other.

Just sitting in near proximity of Saga was enough for Ritsu, or at least it was what he told himself every day. He couldn't help the distinct feeling that they should have known each other better than the reality, but he ignored it. Like clockwork, the other would be at that same table and like clockwork, Ritsu would sit at his, never sparing even a single glance but feeling overwhelmingly happy just being able to be _there_.

Ritsu took out his notebook and a pencil, opening it to a blank page and shifting through the pages of one of the books he had picked up. In actuality, Ritsu had already read every book in their small library (twice) but keeping up the appearance that he was just there to study was difficult if he didn't have any books in front of him to pretend.

 _The first time I saw his eyes…_ he found himself scribbling nonsense on his notebook, unable to focus on the book at all. _I felt like the sun had burned my skin. My brain stopped thinking. Only he was in my head._

And that was how it was and always would be, his everyday life.

* * *

Saga Masamune was not oblivious to the presence of the green eyed boy. In fact, he was acutely aware that for over two years now, the small boy was always at the same table every day at the same time with a different set of books in front of him. Sometimes, they would be books he had already read before, and Saga couldn't help but wonder if the boy had possibly read every book in the school library.

One day, either out of curiosity or boredom, Saga had even peeked into a book the boy had just turned back in to see if he could put a name to the face. _Ritsu Onodera_.

From the very beginning, Saga had noticed this boy watching him―not really watching him but more of glancing his way briefly every once in a while, but definitely aware that he was there. At first, it had been nerve-wracking and Saga had found himself feeling flustered and actually putting effort into looking cool. But as time passed and the other made no effort to approach him he decided he was just imagining things and came to the conclusion that it was a ridiculous notion, someone actually paying attention to him.

Who'd be interested in someone like him anyway?

So, he had gotten used to the other always being there every day. The annoyance of every inconsistency in his life so far was put almost at ease by the constant presence of this person. He did have a brief memory of them interacting a little over three years before, when Saga had helped Ritsu reach a book that was on a high shelf. But they hadn't spoken to each other then and had never spoken to each other at any point after.

 _Then why is he always here? This is stupid, stop thinking about it._ But the fact that Saga thought about it continued to bother him for whatever reason he couldn't figure out. That day, Ritsu had picked up a set of books he had definitely already read, and he was ignoring them as he scribbled something out on a notebook.

 _Just stop thinking about it. Just stop thinking about him._ But even as he thought this, when Ritsu stood up, Saga stood up, too. Because today, he decided, things were going to change.

* * *

Ritsu jerked his hand back from the book he had reached for when a different hand also reached out for it. He became even more flustered when he realized who it was, "Uh―S-Saga-senpai!"

The older boy seemed surprised for a flicker of a second before he asked, "Why do you know my name?"

His heart felt like it was being squeezed and Ritsu felt it swell up with all of his feelings and, without any warning, they poured out of him in the shape of words. "I like you…senpai. Uh, uhm, um, no, I mean―!"

He would have said something else that was completely stupid if it weren't for the sudden rushing sound in his head.

" _I like you…senpai."_

" _You want to go out with me?"_

With a jolt, Ritsu stepped back and shook his head quickly, holding up his hands and waving them around nervously. "No! I mean, not no! Umm―"

"I don't mind."

" _I don't mind."_

"I'll go out with you."

" _I'll go out with you."_

"Huh…" Ritsu let out a soft breath as a memory struggled to come back to him, but he shook it away and tried not to go into shock after what had just happened.

* * *

Saga invited Ritsu to walk home with him. If that day had definitely felt like a dream all day, now Ritsu was completely sure he was still asleep and in the clouds. But everything felt alarmingly familiar to him and he couldn't shake the feeling of déjà vu that followed them as they walked down the sidewalk.

 _It's like a dream…_ his steps were stiff and awkward, and Ritsu had never felt so out of place in his own body before. His skin felt hot and his hands shook from how nervous he felt. _What should I do?_

"I don't think you need to be that nervous," when Ritsu looked up, Saga was looking at him over his shoulder, his expression solemn as he walked up to the front gate of his house and opened it. "I'm basically living by myself now, there's no one home."

Ritsu closed the gate behind himself and turned back around, and another rush of noise took over his ears and his brain as he felt like he had done this many, many times before.

" _Saga-senpai, do you like me?"_

Jerking back from the gate, Ritsu flushed bright read at the intrusive thought and he shook his head, "Uh, are your parents out on a vacation?" he tried to calm his fast beating heart.

Saga didn't look back at him as he opened the front door. "Yeah. Well, something like that."

 _I've asked something I shouldn't have, haven't I…?_ Ritsu didn't like the cold tone that was in the other's voice, but he couldn't do much about his question now. Getting a brittle grip on his feelings and his nerves, he obediently followed the other inside.

Saga-senpai went to get drinks for them and pointed Ritsu in the direction of his bedroom upstairs. As he had expected, when Ritsu walked into the bedroom, he found that it was overflowing with books, finding hundreds of them in stacks all around the floor. He felt strangely at ease in this place and without thinking, he walked straight for the bed and plopped down in it face first, grabbing Saga's pillow and burying his face into it before rolling on his side and hugging it to himself.

He felt dizzy and weird as he sighed deeply and blinked out of the window. "Why does this…feel so familiar?" he mumbled as he rolled on his back and looked at the ceiling. "Like this is where I have always been…"

"Um," Ritsu sat bolt up and felt his face go totally red when Saga walked into the room. "What are you doing?"

He didn't sound angry, more confused than anything, but Ritsu scrambled to get off the bed and ended up sliding down to the floor like an idiot, stumbling to apologize. "Wh―sorry! I'm sorry, it just, it looked―I just!"

Saga looked at him for a quiet moment, his face expressionless, before he said, "Wanna watch a DVD?"

Sitting up on the floor and pressing himself up against the bed, Ritsu nodded his head, _I think I'm gonna die, why did I do that? That wasn't what happened before_ _―_ when he realized what he was thinking, he also realized he was just staring like an idiot and replied,"Uh, y-yeah. Anything's good."

Saga sat down next to him, almost too close, and handed Ritsu a glass of tea. "Sorry, my room is messy."

"Hm? It's not! I like rooms full of books!" Ritsu smiled fondly as he looked around, his face warmed.

"Hey…" the older boy started to say something.

Not wanting to stifle the question, Ritsu looked over eagerly. "Yes?"

But what Saga asked was surprising. "Why do you like me so much?"

" _Why do you like me so much?"_ the echo of those words made Ritsu feel a tightness in his chest and he blinked quickly. "That…'s because…"

"You don't even know me," the other pointed out.

"Yeah, but I still know some things!" he felt like he needed to defend his feelings. "Like the cat―" Ritsu stopped himself and looked away when he realized that he hadn't even seen a cat in Saga's house that he knew of.

"What's with you?" Saga suddenly became flustered with a surprisingly embarrassed expression on his face. Ritsu found that he actually really liked this expression on his senpai's face. "You were watching that?"

"Ah, I! I'm sorry!" Ritsu tried to brush off the inappropriate thought.

With a groan, Saga's head fell back on the bed with a fluff of air. "Damn… I got spotted in a scene out of a shoujo manga! What am I supposed to do?"

Ritsu's words suddenly rushed out even though he didn't know where they were coming from. He felt increasingly nervous and wasn't sure what to do. "Oh, sorry, I… don't read manga, so I don't really understand?"

"Ah, is that so? Don't worry about it then," Saga glanced over at him with those silky golden eyes. "Are you stalking me or something?"

"Uh, sorry, I know…" Ritsu felt a wave of shame wash over his flustered feelings. "I know it's silly of me, but I like you, senpai―"

"… _but I like you, senpai,"_ the words seemed to jar another memory, and this time Ritsu saw it quite clearly in his head. Without warning but in a movement that was alarmingly similar to his memory, Saga moved close and tried to kiss him, his face suddenly only a centimeter away. He wasn't sure why he did it, but he pushed Saga away, holding him at arm's length, his nerves fluttering in his stomach like a dozen butterflies that were desperate to escape.

The other looked at him with a flicker of annoyance, but with a different feeling also in his eyes that Ritsu didn't recognize. "Why are you shying away? You wanted to do this with me, don't you?"

" _You wanted to do this with me, don't you?"_

"No uh, but, um…" Ritsu blinked quickly and felt hot all over.

"Then why were you smothering yourself on my bed earlier?" Saga questioned him.

The wall was immediately behind him, cornering him between Saga and the bed, so there was nowhere for Ritsu to move away to as he said, "I'm sorry―!"

With just the tiniest hint of a smile, Saga moved forward again and started undoing the buttons of Ritsu's shirt. "You don't need to keep apologizing, I know how much you like me," his voice was soft and soothing in such a way that Ritsu nearly melted when Saga kissed him.

 _Oh, no… my whole body is burning…tingling, and going limp… this can't be right, why am I …remembering things that haven't happened yet…_

There was a memory floating in his head, and for some reason it felt one-hundred percent real.

" _I got off on the wrong floor."_

" _Are you an idiot?"_

" _Yes, that is exactly what I am."_

As Saga slid his hands up Ritsu's sides, his fingers hot and softly curious, Ritsu reached up and put his hands on Saga's face, simmering in the heat of his love and affection for this person as another memory came back to him.

" _Because I love him more than you do."_

" _Th-then why don't you go out with him again? That would be better for me, too."_

Ritsu got to his knees obediently when Saga prompted him to, stripping off his shirt and doing the same to him before making him stand up so they could get on the bed.

" _Like how you said I sneered at you when you asked me if I loved you. I was just laughing because I thought, "why is he even asking me this after everything we did?'"_

 _That…_ Ritsu wrapped his arms tightly around Saga's waist and let himself be kissed, his head swimming with all of these thoughts and memories that had come out of nowhere and that he felt, for some reason, that he should have known them. _What's…happening to me_ ―

* * *

Ritsu's eyes snapped open and he nearly screamed as he fell out of bed. It was the first time out of all the times he'd been stuck in this continuous loop of the exact same week that he had actually fallen out of bed.

"Ow… fuck," he rubbed the back of his head and stood up, and then groaned audibly when he realized where he was once again. "Goddamit. Well… at least I remember who I am this time."

It was almost frightening to realize that whatever was happening to him could completely take his memory and throw him into a world where they had never met when they were supposed to have met. That was even scarier than waking up in a world where his fiancée was his _sister_ and Ritsu shuddered at the thought of it.

"But now I know what to do," Ritsu took a deep breath and mustered up all his determination as he brushed down his bed hair and walked firmly down the hall and towards the stairs.

He found his mother on the phone downstairs, sitting uncharacteristically at the kitchen island talking to the maid. "Oh, it really is fine―oh, hang on one moment, my son just walked in."

Ritsu stood in front of her and before he could lose his nerve, he said, "Mother, I want to go study abroad."

* * *

Ritsu took a deep breath squeezed his eyes shut tightly, afraid to open them and find, once again, the ceiling of his childhood bedroom looming over him. He clenched his fists tightly into the sheets of his bed and tried not to be afraid.

It was a long and anxious moment before he finally opened his eyes and sat up. "Oh, _thank you_."

To the greatest relief he had ever felt before in his life, Ritsu found himself sitting on his bed, his actual bed from his adult bedroom, in the middle of his disaster of a room―he had in fact never been so happy to see such a disgusting mess before in his life.

"I'm back!" he let out a heavy breath and couldn't help the huge grin that took over his face as he put his hands on his cheeks to make sure he really was the age he was meant to be. "I'm back, I'm _here_."

He did not wonder what it was that had taken him back to all the twisted versions of his youth, nor did he question what it was that had brought him back where he belonged. He didn't consider that it had all been a bizarre dream or an awful hallucination, because Ritsu was acutely aware that the whole experience had been all too real. So, no, he didn't question it and no, he didn't consider or wonder or care.

Instead, Ritsu threw the covers of his bed off himself and ran straight for the door, not bothering to close it behind himself as he went over to Takano's apartment and knocked quickly and with way too much force out of enthusiasm. "Takano-san!"

What he failed to notice was that for Takano, only a short fifteen had passed since their argument, but the surprised but also slightly annoyed expression on the older man's face didn't phase Ritsu at all.

"Takano-san!" Ritsu's smile was brilliant and relieved and he would have jumped with glee had he not been, well, _himself_.

"Ritsu―? oof―" the thud of Takano being knocked down to the floor of his apartment only made Ritsu laugh as he propped himself up on his elbows and pressed tiny kisses all over Takano's face and lips. " _Ow_ , what…?"

But Ritsu could only kiss him, brushing Takano's dark hair from his face with his fingers and blinking tears from his eyes as he smiled nervously but brightly as he said, "Let's move in together."

"Wait, _what_? Ritsu!"

 **The end.**


	8. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Ritsu set down the heavy box of books in his arms on one of the many boxes already scattered in their new large and spacious living room and stood back for a moment, taking a deep breath and smiling pleasantly as he looked around their new home. The moving process had turned out to be much longer than either of them had expected, since there always turned out to be something from any option either of them chose to show the other that one of them didn't like. They had ended up spending over three months bickering back and forth, sometimes not even discreetly at work, before finally coming to a decision.

"Why do you have so many books?" Takano-san walked into the room carrying a separate box, which he quickly hauled up on a different stack of boxes before he walked over to his lover. "We'll never finish before Monday."

"Why do _you_ have so many books?" Ritsu snapped back quickly, then he yelped when Takano-san came up behind him and swept him up by the waist, turning him around and kissing him. Ritsu was left dizzy and foggy minded at this and he had to take a deep and shaky breath as he pulled back and regained composure and pretended to be annoyed and pouted. "Don't do that to me, work me up so early in the day."

"I unpacked everything in the bedroom, I deserve a reward," the other man insisted with a playful smile that had become more and more frequent. "You know we are meant to be visiting your parents next week, Ritsu."

Ritsu put his hands on Takano's chest and looked away almost annoyed. "I know that!"

"Is that why you're delaying this? We are going whether or not we finish here," Takano taunted him, pressing a small kiss on Ritsu's forehead.

"You and I both know you are not leaving this apartment until everything is where it belongs," Ritsu challenged him, but he reached up and kissed him on the lips, smiling almost shyly.

Takano held the other's gaze steadily but he couldn't deny that Ritsu would always be impossibly cute from that angle. "The only place I want to be right now is the bedroom."

"Then we really will never finish unpacking," Ritsu pointed out, but he looked like he was considering the idea just to get out of going to see his parents and he turned around and walked over to one of the boxes nonchalantly. "Do we really have to go see them, really? It's not like you have to ask for my hand or anything, we are adults!" his pout was definitely obvious now.

Takano smiled at this sudden show of cuteness and he walked over and put his arms tightly around Ritsu, nuzzling his face and turning him around, taking both of them down on their brand new sofa with a laugh. "Come on."

"Hey! Ah! Takano-san! Stop that!" Ritsu yelped and grabbed on to Takano, laughing as let himself be pressed down on the soft sofa cushions.

"You're just so cute I can't help it," the other kissed Ritsu again, leaning into him and holding him tightly.

Ritsu kissed back with an increased panicked feeling of never wanting to let go building inside of his stomach. Ever since the strange events he had experienced three months ago, a small part of him woke up every day wondering if he would somehow end up stuck in that nightmare again. Seeing Saga Masamune after all the time that had passed had been a shock and Ritsu felt the remaining alarm of the post traumatic stress every morning when he woke up and looked over on the bed to make sure that Takano-san was still there sleeping next to him.

"Takano-san, let go of me please," Ritsu tried to brush off the panic by laughing nervously against Takano's lips, then he squirmed to free his arms when Takano held him just too tightly and looked down at him thoughtfully. "You look worried, what's wrong?"

Shaking his head, Takano kissed Ritsu again, this time it was a short and quick kiss. "No, I'm just thinking that you seem different from before. Not that I mind it, but you are more... open. I enjoy it, that you can be cute and sweet with me now after all this time. It can't be this easy to be with the person you love."

"Wow, sappy," Ritsu smiled sweetly and tried not to laugh but his face did . "It _is_ just this easy, after everything we went through to be together, we deserve this. Did you forget about all the stuff we went through to get here? We earned this, to be like this together ...and stuff."

"You think so?" Takano raised his eyebrows.

Ritsu put his arms around Takano's neck and nodded. "We earned our happiness. Sometimes I worry, too, because it does feel so easy to be with you now than it did before, but it doesn't have to always be hard. We can have days where being together is as easy as breathing."

"We did fight pretty hard to be together, didn't we?" Takano smiled with more ease and put his chin on Ritsu's chest, getting comfortable on the sofa. "Do you remember how hard it was for me to get you to move in with me? Then out of nowhere you made the decision for us and look here we are."

Ritsu rolled his eyes and ran his hands through Takano's soft hair, letting his head fall back and looking up at the ceiling. "You know why I was reluctant."

"You don't still doubt that I love you, do you?" the other asked him quietly.

"Of course not," the smaller man shook his head and laughed and then he pulled Takano up to kiss him. His chest still felt funny when they did so much as that, and he felt a great joy that time had not worn the feeling of new love inside him. "Don't be an idiot."

"You're the idiot," Takano came back with, but he was smiling. "You still don't call me by my first name though, but I suppose that is a different mile stone."

Ritsu felt a strange tugging inside of his heart and a memory that shouldn't have existed surfaced in his head, of a beach and still waters and dark skies looming down over them. He shook it away because he knew that Takano-san wouldn't know what he was talking about. "Um, would you like me to?"

"I didn't think I'd have to ask you to do it, but yes," the older man replied.

Ritsu closed his eyes and sighed. "M-Masamune.. ―ow!"

Takano had reached up and he was pinching Ritsu's cheek, staring at him intently. "Your face is red. This is all I wanted to see."

"Idiot!" Ritsu pushed Takano away and got up. "We need to finish unpacking so get off me."

Takano stood up and followed Ritsu down the hall. "I thought you didn't want to go see your parents."

"Those two things have nothing to do with each other."

"I'm sure they don't but I know they do."

"Takano-san!"

"That's _Masamune_ to you."

"Now you are just picking on me!"

"It's not my fault you make the cutest expressions."

"Idiot!"

 **Hey, everyone! So I wrote this epilogue just because cute fluff and kissing yes? and also because I would like to see if anyone would be interested in a sequel? I have a rough idea of a university version of a similar situation but this time with Takano and tons of new funny and sad scenarios and shenanigans and random cute English antagonists from Ritsu's uni days yes hehehehe. Drop me a review and let me know what you think! And thank you all so much for reading!**


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